Those Flags Are Red for a Reason

“God, please show me a sign. If he isn’t the one or if he is out to harm my heart, show me. Give me signs.”

It’s a talk some of us may or may not have had with God. You’re dating a new guy or chick. You’re feeling him or her. They make you smile and even give you those little butterflies that you use to get during puppy-love days. However, it’s too good to be true. You often ask yourself, “Self, why is this person so dope?” You may even ask why he or she makes you so happy. There has to be something wrong? Right?

You could be right. There could be everything wrong with this person. Or, you could be trippin’ because they could be innocent and just right for you.

For those of you who have talked to God and asked Him to show you red flags, just know, He will! Often times though, as soon as we ask for those signs, God gives them to us, then we ignore them! We make every excuse to ignore them. We always try to give that person the benefit of the doubt. “Oh, maybe it’s not what I think.” Yep. It’s what you think. “Well maybe he or she will change.” Nope. They probably won’t. The signs are there. They have always been there. Don’t get too caught up in “wanting a bae” or get “sexmatized,” that you’re suddenly blind to the blatant foolery.

So, he never really invites you over to his house. Red. Oh, he only really comes over when the sun goes down. Red. He blocked you and your homegirl from his Instagram page. Red. His ex is posting pictures of a home-cooked dinner from inside his house, but according to him, “They don’t really talk like that.” RED! In fact, all of these flags are red as ever. They are red for a reason, so that it’s bright enough for you to see them.

God loves you. He loves you more than anybody ever could. So, when His child is dealing with someone that isn’t honest or loyal, He will show you. It may not be immediately, but He will put you up on game. We don’t always know what bae is doing, but God knows. He’s clutch. He will come through with the alley-oop. However, it’s on you to dunk it. Don’t ignore the red flags. Those flags are red for a reason.

That Melanin Doe…

melanin 3

The blacker the berry, the sweeter th…..you know the rest.

Let me start by saying that there is nothing more phenomenal than that dark, chocolaty skin. ¬†It’s like no other. No, literally, it’s like no other! What other pigment glistens in the sun, tans so effortlessly, and ages like, again I say, no other. That melanin doe! Nothing is more dope than the silkiness of that honey-like, caramel-like and fudge-like skin.

Sad enough though, I didn’t always appreciate what God had blessed me with. I didn’t always like the skin that I was in. I lowkey hated that I took after my mom and I got her complexion. Needless to say, I wasn’t here for it.

When I crept out of that womb, I was dark. I was blessed from the second I moonwalked out of my mama’s vag, and I didn’t even know it. I was just a tiny [actually really chubby] baby. Who knew that I had what people spent thousands of dollars on to have.

Even in elementary school, I couldn’t grasp it. I was always one of the darkest girls in my classroom, so naturally I was teased. I was called all types of names. Chile, I have heard it all. Kids are cruel. It was easy to believe that I wasn’t beautiful because I wasn’t high-yellow. So, in elementary school, I believed I was less than. I didn’t feel like I was ugly, just not as pretty as the light-skin girls. I carried that with me through middle school too. It didn’t matter how many strangers would stop me throughout my childhood and say “Oh my goodness, you have such pretty skin.” I still didn’t see it.

It wasn’t until I got to the summer going into my 10th grade year of high school that I started to think, “Hmmm, I’m fine.” Ok, that sounded a bit conceited but I wasn’t, I promise. Anyway, I went just about my entire life thinking that being dark skin was a bad thing, but that summer, my entire perspective on that changed. I remember starting my first job. I was a lifeguard [yes, black people can swim and can swim well] working at a water park in Detroit. It wasn’t until I had to stand in the hot sun 50 hours a week and turn 3 shades darker, that I realized that this was beautiful as fuck.

When I tanned, I turned a color that I describe as “golden-black.” I was dark, like really chocolate but the hairs on my skin would turn this gold color. I can’t really explain it, just know it was dope. Not only that, but the guys were noticing. Just about every guy who worked there tried to “talk” to me. My nickname became “Chocolate.” I start feeling myself. It wasn’t just the attention I got from guys, because I’m sure my thick thighs and curves did most of that, but I finally started to see how attractive that thing called melanin really was.

So, the summer of 10th grade year was enlightening for me. Sure, I still had insecurities, I was a 15-year-old girl, but my complexion was no longer at the top of the list. You couldn’t tell me nothing. I wore my natural color on my sleeves. When I got to college, it was really over. I was hella black, hella proud.

About 3 years ago, I was around 22, there was a girl who didn’t like me, because she was now dating my ex. Go. Figure. She would try to call me every “dark” name in the book. She tried hard too. Even went out of her way to insult me. Little did she know that I was proud in my skin. So, her shade [or lack thereof] didn’t bother me. It would’ve worked had I been about 13,14. But she was just too little, too late.

I think it’s so sad how we try to bring each other down as black people. At some point we have to fight for each other, there are already too many people fighting against us. No matter the shade, we’re all still [dare I say it] black. It wasn’t the white kids at school who would make fun of my skin tone, it was the black kids. We’re so cruel to one another.

It took me until the age of 15 to recognize my beauty. Sad thing is, it takes some people even longer. There are some folks older than what I am right now, walking around hating who they are and how they look. It’s disturbing to think about. I’ve read stories about people bleaching their skin and permanently changing their eye color and I really just can’t wrap my head around it. Why? Why would you take something as gorgeous as black skin, and ruin it? I guess I get it, I was once lost too, but I couldn’t imagine being any other way.

Don’t get me wrong, I love all people. I think all people are beautiful. However, when it comes to my people, chile, I’ve never seen a more beautiful sight. From the high-yellow, to the dark chocolate, we are so sexy! Who else can look 35 at 65? Nobody? Oh. That’s what I thought. We’re beautiful. God took His time when He made us. Value that melanin you little black baby, own it. You’re dope.

P.S.

I was inspired to write this after reading about a photo shoot by Chandler Easley that showcased just how beautiful black people are. All he did was put black women of all shades in front of colors and the pictures did the talking. See more here.

Ladies, I Blame You

He was tall. Honey-like skin. Nice smile. Well-dressed. Nice car. And a down-right idiot.

I have this homegirl, Mariah. The other night, she was returning a Redbox movie when she was approached by a handsome young man. He had all of the fittings for her. Sure, she’s into chocolate men, but this guy made her look twice. The first words out of his mouth were not “Hey, how are you.” Instead, they were “So, you’re about to go home and watch that movie by yourself huh?” She laughed. He laughed. She thought it was funny. He proceeds to tell her that she was a “lonely girl” and didn’t have a man, as if every black woman is manless. I mean, he was right, but still haha.

So, he kept coming with the jokes. Then he says “Since I know you’re lonely and going home to no one, can I come watch the movie with you?” At this point, she’s listening in awe, shocked that this is how he’s trying to get with her. He’s basically trying to insult his way right into her heart. He keeps it coming, “Let me come to your house.” He’s saying all this while being on the phone [with another girl.] My friend then says “See, you’re on the phone right now with a girl.” His great response back, “So what, she doesn’t matter.” So again he asks Mariah if he could come over to watch a Redbox with her, she finally says “No.” He then says “I didn’t wanna come over and watch a movie with you anyway, you’re probably a bad movie watcher.”

Listen, when I tell you I laughed so hard at that line. What exactly is a “bad movie watcher?” I tell ya, you guys are somethin’ else!

When Mariah told me about that, I laughed. It was funny to both of us. But I couldn’t help but think that he’s used those lines before, and guess what, it worked! Somewhere in the past, he has tried to guilt a chick into feeling lonely, asked to come over and it has worked. He was handsome, and had he acted like he had some sense, he could’ve probably got my friend’s number and maybe even got the chance to come over somewhere down the line. However, he didn’t feel he had to, because if it worked before, it’ll work again. Sad thing is, I’m sure it will.

Also, the other day, a guy asked me if I wanted to “sit on his face.” Like, out of nowhere, that’s how he started the conversation, as if I looked like I sit on random guys’ faces for sport. You know what, he’s used that line before and it probably got him exactly where he wanted to be, submerged in ass. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, right?

Between dudes trying to talk to me and my friends, I’ve just about heard it all over my teenage/young adult years. I’ve even witnessed guys get with girls by saying the rudest things imaginable.

I say all this to say, ladies, these guys out here only do what they think will work. All it takes is for one vulnerable, low self-esteem woman to say yes to their foolery. After that one yes, they feel like they have won over the female species. If it got them laid once, it’ll more than likely get them some again.

That’s where WE come in. I say we, because I am a woman. Ladies, if you stop giving in so easily then it will force these guys out here to do better. You guys have to stop falling for these disrespectful lines just because he’s chocolate and bearded. Don’t get me wrong, a bearded chocolate man in a suit is my weakness, but understand that you deserve to be approached like a lady. Stop making it so easy for them. I figure if every lady shuts down the guy who approaches them with BS, then dudes will automatically have to step up their pick-up game skills. At the end of the day it comes down to knowing your worth and what you deserve as a woman. If you allow him to step to you with disrespectful, wack lines, then trust me, you won’t be the only or the last girl he tries it with. It’ll just become a cycle.

So, after you get mad at that dude who approaches you with foolishness, get mad at the girl before you who that actually worked on. Blame her, because I do.