Photo: Sadé Kay.

You two were together for a while. You both made promises and thought that it would someday lead to a ring. Well, it didn’t. In fact, you guys are poison to each other. You argue to the point where it’s painful to look at each other. It was best you guys called it quits. So, now it’s over. Some time goes by and then ex-bae calls you. Your ex wants to see you. It could be strictly for sexual reasons, or maybe to rekindle what you guys had. Do you go?

Or, maybe the relationship was a healthy one, but timing was just not right. However, after the break-up, he or she calls and wants to go on old intimate explorations. Is that a good idea or a bad one? When is going back for seconds a good idea? Never. In my best Bryson Tiller voice, “Don’t.” Here’s why:

1. Extends Emotional Craving

After you break up, you feel accomplished if you’re able to go a whole day without talking to your ex. Now, you’re hoping that a day turns into a week. Suddenly that week becomes a month and now it’s not so bad. You don’t crave their interaction like you did before. You’re actually really proud of yourself because now it’s been a month and a half and you’ve stood strong. You’re not constantly longing for their connection. It’s only going to get easier-so you thought. That is, until you get that “hey stranger” text. We’ve all been there. After a month and a half, the text that just lit up your screen is about to end it all. You’re tempted to text back. So, you do. It’s only small talk, but it’s leading you down a dangerous path. It started with one text, now you’ve gone from not speaking at all to now once a week. That soon turns into once a day. Now, you’re longing for him or her again. You are craving their vibes, again. All that hard work of training yourself to get over them is thrown out the window. You wait around for their call, again. You’re checking up on his Instagram, again. You’re attached, again.

2. You’ll Feel Basic Two Minutes After

Take the time to think about how you’ll really feel after it’s all said and done. You know ex-bae isn’t right for you. You know you deserve better. You know your worth, but this person makes you feel comfortable. He or she already knows exactly what you like. So, it’s easy to dip back. DON’T. You will feel horrible. You will feel used. You will feel basic, sis. Be strong enough to walk away. Let the phone ring.

3. Restricts Your Glow-Up 

How are you going to move forward in life when you won’t let go of what’s behind you? Here’s the answer: you can’t. Whether you’re creeping back to your ex for sexual reasons, emotional attachment or pure curiosity, you’re hindering your glow-up. For those who don’t know what that is, it’s an overall improvement of your life. It’s a transformation that can only be accomplished when you put yourself first. In order to elevate your life, sometimes you have to get rid of old baggage, completely. Dipping back to someone you know doesn’t deserve your love stops you from finding someone who does deserve it. There is someone out there waiting to treat you like the queen or king you are. However, you’re going to miss out on that person because your mind is still stuck on what was. Stay focused. Don’t let the lonely nights put you in positions you know aren’t right for you. It’s a set-up.

4. Creates Unrealistic Expectations

Hooking up with an old flame can be dangerous for your emotional stability. You have to acknowledge that you are emotionally vulnerable. I know everything about dipping back to former boo sounds appealing. It’s convenient and familiar. Sure, you don’t have to invite someone new into your space. Plus, old bae already knows what you like and what annoys you.  It may seem like a win but all this will do is lead you down a path of thinking things will work out between the two of you. What was supposed to be a quick dip-back has now turned into an emotional roller coaster that you were not prepared for. While you’re having thoughts of wedding bells, the other person probably isn’t. Being intimate with an ex won’t solve old problems. In fact, it could just create new ones.

It can be very difficult to fight off the urge of dipping back into the cookie jar, but take these reasons into consideration. Sliding back with your ex delays the inevitable. Use the time you would’ve spent hooking up with them to work on yourself. Focus on healing and moving on from the break-up.

Keep them in your rearview mirror and cruise off into the sunset with new bae.